🔗 Share this article

One Side: One Friend's Perspective

Sometimes she films me while having a meal. I’ll see myself on her Instagram – it’s like a jumpscare.

A close companion of 10 years, she, calls herself the “creativity monarch”. It’s fun for a bit, but it weighs on our friendship.

She is an extrovert, she feels the need to document everything all the time. During meals out, her motto is, “The camera eats first,” and takes photos with the flash on, which induces embarrassment. I don’t like it when strangers see her performing for the camera – I get secondhand embarrassment. Another annoyance is because meals lose their warmth.

She's not quite an online personality yet, but Marielle is trying to be. She creates vlogs about living in our city, her daily routine, and her work as a stylist. Her content is good, credit where it's due, but I don’t want to be involved. On occasion she films me while I’m eating, or simply tagging along. I’ll see myself on her Instagram afterwards, and it comes like a surprise: I’ll have bare-faced, an awkward face or photographed while eating. It’s uncomfortable.

She also expects me to record her at inconvenient times. Sometimes I’ll be talking to someone else, or we’ll just be hanging out in the street. I feel like our friendship has turned into me serving as her unpaid videographer. She has the means to hire someone if she wanted high-quality content. Upon mentioning my unease about this arrangement, she brushed it off. I've been invited to a couple of brand events, which were appreciated, but that doesn’t make up for all the time and effort I invest helping her create material.

I appreciate that Marielle has helped me with my design career, but I resist our connection to become just a ledger of favours. I don’t feel she’s fake or dishonest, but sometimes it seems that if recording starts, we will begin acting in a way that presents a favorable image for her channel.

She will say, “Alright, smile for the camera!” and record me smiling with someone. It feels forced. I need her to recognize that our decade-long friendship still has boundaries. I love being with her, but I also want to enjoy it without being recorded, altered, or shared for an viewers. I am not a accessory for her online persona.

The Defence: The Content Creator's View

I hope Beth to see that the content we produce together can get us a foot in the door.

I love creating videos. It's more than a pastime; it’s part of who I am. Producing content and documenting experiences online allows me to show my personality and engage with people in novel forms.

I don’t see myself as a professional creator yet, but it’s smart to generate income from your interests. I look up to people on social platforms who pull off that style of informal, self-made content creation.

Creating content is my interpretation of living actively: observing the nuances, posting them with an audience that appreciates the art behind it. It's never my aim to make my friend uncomfortable. Bringing her to professional gatherings was my way of sharing opportunities, giving her a chance to experience behind-the-scenes moments that could help her career in design too. That’s not leverage, it’s just being realistic.

I’d still take her to such functions even if she didn’t help me, but I desire her to see the benefits the work we make together can get us: a foot in the door. I know not all people likes being filmed, but sometimes spontaneity is what makes material genuine. Appearing on video from time to time is part and parcel of being my companion. I'd remove anything she requested, but she hasn't made such a request yet.

I don’t expect anyone to be my personal filmmaker, but companions help each other in minor capacities. I thought filming a clip now and then would be enjoyable for Beth. Creativity thrives in partnership, and having Beth around makes endeavors energetic and pleasurable. I don't compel her to take part in anything, and I would never intentionally embarrass her. But filming together sometimes is part of how I record our time together.

I value Beth’s friendship deeply and want to avoid content creation to come between us. I am ready to find middle ground: like requesting permission before recording, and avoiding shots that might make her self-conscious.

This is not about power, it's regarding expressing my perspective while still respecting hers. Obviously content creation is not a replacement for real connection: it's merely part of how I experience life and I want her to be included in a way that’s enjoyable for both of us.

Outside Perspectives: Reader Opinions

Should Marielle stop filming herself and Beth when they are out together?

There’s nothing more excruciating than having a companion point a camera at you. I understand that it's her job, but I don’t make friends come to my workplace. Maybe she can find like-minded creators to collaborate with. With the dark, looming future of technology, personal relationships are the only thing we have – don’t waste them!
A respondent, 25

When pursuing something as a career, it's unfair to expect your friends for assistance repeatedly, even if they have helped previously. If Marielle loves creating, that doesn't imply all those around her is content. She must to respect her friend's personal space.
Another reader, 26

Marielle might love producing videos and showing off her life online, but it’s not for everybody. It was kind she has helped her friend professionally, but she needs to hear what Beth wants.
Emma, 27

It seems like you value each other, so hold on to that and make sure it’s the focus in your relationship. Create some authentic memories, where genuine feelings are preserved, not online archives. In fact, celebrities who seem to share their worlds actually have more secrecy than it appears.
Sarah, 53

She seems to be not fully engaged nor genuine when she’s with Beth – she's on the job. Each appears unsure as to what’s reasonable. The answer is not found in trying to change one another, but in each establishing defined limits around what is comfortable to them and determining if there is an mutually agreeable middle ground.
A final view, 71

Your Turn to Be the Judge

In an online poll: has she been over-exposing their friendship?